After speaking to an insurance group last week, I had a very beneficial and rewarding conversation with one of the company’s senior leaders.
I had met this individual several years prior at another agency gathering and we really connected, as he was a very warm and positive person and this relationship was the main reason that I was invited back to speak at the above referenced event. After my presentation, we engaged in a conversation in which he was very complimentary of my program, commenting that he really enjoyed what my mom used to tell me when I complained about life. Her trademark response was always, “Son, flush it and move on.” The next part of our conversation really had an impact on me and is the true “nugget of wisdom” that I want you to take away from this article.
The conversation went like this, “Byrd, when I first heard you about five years ago, I didn’t really get it. Yes, you made me laugh and I considered you great entertainment, but your message had no impact on my behavior. I continued doing things my way as I climbed the ladder of success within our organization. Then, a couple of unsolicited and unwanted acts of intervention occurred.”
First, one of my top performing agents, whom I had known for years, had the courage to tell me the truth about my attitude. I still remember his words of honesty, ‘Pat, you used to be a very positive person and someone that I really enjoyed being with. But, you have become quite cynical lately and I really don’t enjoy being with you.’
I shrugged this input off, as I felt that I had become successful and this individual’s opinion was the exception versus the rule as to how others felt about me. This is when the second ‘in your face’ act of intervention took place. One of my close associates who I had known for years approached me one day and stated, ‘Pat, you used to be a joy to be around and this trait was the most attractive part of your personality, but you have become a very critical person in the last couple of years. What’s happened?’
Byrd, this is when I finally got it! Two people whom I really respected had the courage to tell me what I needed to hear. I took their words to heart and had a long look in the proverbial mirror of life. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, I had developed a sour and cynical outlook on life. After a meeting or conversation, I had begun to make little snide and negative remarks about people and my company. Not big, dangerous acts, but little destructive acts that, compounded over time, had changed me – in the eyes of others - from a very positive individual into a mere cynic.
What did I learn from this experience? I feel that it’s good to have a healthy sense of skepticism, as people have to earn the right to be trusted. But, it’s never healthy to become an individual who never trusts anyone and is always looking for the bad in life and others. If the negative is what we look for in life and other people, it’s what we will find. The antidote to becoming a cynic is to look for the good in life and others. If people prove untrustworthy, then it’s time to move on to other healthy relationships. But, when you look for the good in others and life, you will most often find it.
His closing words of wisdom, “There’s a fine line between a skeptic and a cynic. Beware.”
I encourage you to commit to the simple acts of daily discipline required to keep your mind focused on the good in life and others.
And remember, it’s all about the relationship.
Jeffrey Gitomer, author of 
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